you know its time to write a blog post about it instead of flooding the feeds of others.
so its the holidays… but holidays or not, others help me fill up my day. i suppose i brought this upon myself. who am i to blame for what i am today but ultimately myself. i am tired of the blame game and i hate it when people dont take responsibility towards their actions. then again the debate of whether the individual is capable of being responsible towards him or herself can turn my post in another direction. in order to avoid this, for everything and anything i try as much as possible to attribute it to myself. Yes, i sound like a depressed person that way. well, i dont deny that i have the tendencies of a depressed individual, but it doesnt affect my social functioning, etc so i dont qualify to be diagnosed under the DSM.
thousand and one things are racing through my mind but i dont know which of those i should put into action. i guess i am too ambitious. i want to do too many things and i believe that if i put my mind to it, i can do it. But on the other hand, i know i have limitations and i cannot possibly do everything. i tend to worry about a lot of things that people often tell me that are not within my control or my “duty” as a daughter/friend/etc. though i know that to be true sometimes, i cant help but feel useless sometimes when encountering such situations.
i guess its because i tend to write rules for myself to follow that may not be actually set by others for me. confused? its okay. anyway this post is for me to look back at one day and laugh at myself for being such a silly person.
(btw i am typing this in the storeroom because the wireless connection has been really pms-ish and daddy called them to troubleshoot it. and because the modem is located in the storeroom with a very very short @$#$^&%^*(&^% cable, i have to surf it in a rather uncomfortable place. shrugs)
so recently my brother has been spending even lesser time with the family because he has gotten a girlfriend. i guess everyone must be having really boring lives or just being really drama-ish, keep on picking on this matter. and honestly, i am getting quite frustrated about it. before i comment on this matter, i need to summarize what has happened so far.
so my brother is finally with his gf after knowing her for i guess a pretty long time (perhaps 5 years?). recently he brought her home to show the family, relatives all. personally i think she is alright. i mean she is a girly girl la and she seems pretty alright (at least she doesnt give me the vibe that the previous girl he likes gave me – so i guess that is a good sign right?). grandma was pretty alright with her initially as well, saying that she is alright and everything. so honestly, i dont understand (actually maybe i do) why they keep picking on the couple now. so because he is going (actually at this point he has already gone) to perth for the second phase of his pilot training, and she is going to canada for study exchange, plus they are prolly in their “honeymoon” period of being in a relationship, they tend to want to spend more time with each other and be for lovey dovey and sticky with each other. i mean given my brother’s personality, he seems like the type who will pamper and spoil his gf and future wife, and also the type who will give all that he have to the people he treasure. i guess that is his strength and also what will lead to his downfall. he is still pretty naive i think and he has the mindset that everything will go accordingly.
as much as i dont want to sound so anti or rebelious but i think that generally, we as christians believe that “everything will happen according to God’s plan” and i think that some of us take it too literally. like the saying goes, “it takes two hands to clap”. i believe that God gives us opportunities and we have to work to make that opportunity become a reality. and just because he gives us an opportunity, it doesnt mean that all will go well. “everything happens for a plan, God’s plan.” i mean, you have to make something out of it right? just because it is said that “God will provide”, it doesnt mean you just sit at home and wait for food to be on the table right?
anyhow, in my opinion, i think my brother is still a little too naive in the sense that he is very likely to be cheated because of his goodwill, and that is perhaps what worries the elders in my family. like when i told him that i dont want to get an expensive present for our youngest brother because he doesnt know how to value and take care of his things, my brother told me “but then its suppose to be replaced what.” for example: i told him that what for buy for him a new pair of branded boots when you know your youngest brother will not make good use of it and that he will spoil it in less than a few months. he replied saying that but boots are suppose to spoil and be replaced what. WHATTTTTT???? okay perhaps because he has earning power and i am a student who receives allowance of about less than 1/8 of his salary.
after every family gathering with him and his gf, grandma will complain the most. i like to attribute this to her being jealous and also perhaps having a mentality of 12534568123 years ago. i love my grandma but sometimes i think that she is really shallow in her thinking. i mean yes, you have lived longer and experienced more in life much much MUCHHHHHH more than i have. this is why i thought you would be less likely to make such ridiculous and childish statements. i mean i know that you wish to confide in me but then you cant be so quick to judge someone whom you have yet to communicate with properly right?
i dont know if my brother and his gf even realise or not but then there are certain things that you can and cannot do or shld avoid doing at family gatherings. like yes, you all want to express your love for each other openly and stuff. you can! in the presence of your friends or relatives of the younger generation, by all means. but you dont keep sticking to each other, feed each other and act like a princess or prince in front of the elders. there are certain societal expectations that are not written in black and white but what many elders value. and these are the values that they use to judge you. if you want to get on the right start with them, you need to know what you should or should not do. yes you may say i am thinking too much and i am being fake. whatever you wish to think.
when you make it a point to take others’ values and beliefs into consideration, even though you do not believe in them or practice them, it makes a big difference. why? because it shows that you respect the other person. i like to use this example of religion. why do many people dislike we christians and say that we are an arrogant bunch and everything. yes you say it is because they dont understand us and judge us without even getting to know us. what about ourselves? yes, our religion tells us there is only one almighty and we shld worship no other. then like you said, they judge us without even getting to know us. so how can we dismiss and put other people down when we dont even know what exactly is going on in their religions or belief. if they are not fair, then what makes us?! i dont have a problem with my non-christian friends and sometimes they even ask me about christianity without me even trying to preach. why? respect for others garners others’ respect for you.
my point of this whole junk? simple. people dont think anymore. they dont think deeply and critically anymore. that is sad.
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